Life changing events

In the list of things that have a big impact on your life are events like changing jobs, moving house, getting married and more. Each of these things comes with change in all shapes and forms, which for athletes who thrive on the routine of training can range from being annoying to traumatic. I’ve just entered a new universe of change brought about by a new child, Edward, – our first – which so far exceeds anything else on the list, in all kinds of ways.

I want to share some of the thoughts that I went through in the lead-up to his birth, because I’m sure I’m not alone in both being a new parent and an athlete who still aspires to be competitive. There are many others far more experienced in this field to which I’m a newcomer, so my thoughts just represent a snippet of what it’s really like. I should point out that I am the dad in this scenario...the situation for mums is much, much different.

Like many people, I enjoy routine and the comfort it brings, and knowing with come certainty what I’d be able to achieve in a given period of time. So when even thinking about having a kid, that element of control and certainty is the first thing that comes under threat, because everyone who knows says your life is turned on its head, not just for a little while, but forever...oh my god!! But for any worry or concern I had about the prospect of us having a child, I only had to remember the sentiments passed on by every dad I know, that it’s the best thing that’s happened to them...and that many people with the same message can’t be wrong.

Nine months is a long time to think, wonder, plan, prepare for a baby to come into your world, and the process is not unlike planning for a big race...except for the outcome. I went through the full spectrum of thoughts about what was coming, starting with excitement, warm and fuzzy feelings, pride about soon becoming a dad, nervousness about how I would actually go at it, anxiety about losing my comfortable, controlled lifestyle, and also feeling a bit helpless about the unstoppable nature of what we’d done, and how I might be able to help my wife through the pregnancy.

Losing control began well before the actual birth, beginning with the first doctor’s appointments and hoping they are positive, the scans to check for anything unexpected, and then the ante natal class that clashed with one of my favourite annual running races...of course there was no decision, but I wasn’t really expecting the kid to start having that impact before he was even born!!!

Regardless of any inconvenience or frustration I was feeling during the pregnancy in relation to my own pursuits, it only took a quick moment to remember how much the pregnancy completely overtakes a woman’s body and emotions to realise that I was, in fact, being very selfish, and that any training session, race, or other self indulgent, related activity was a pale concern to that of creating a new life.

In some ways, it’s a shame that it takes something like this to really highlight where priorities are / have been, but is also empowering because it is also a catalyst for a great and positive change in your life.

As the pregnancy went on, I started to notice more and more when kids were at races, cheering for their mum and/or dad and really being part of the scene, and so I started to wonder what kind of kid he would grow up as...a sports nut (who would be 24 by time of the 2036 Olympics – an ideal age!!), or a book worm, or something else. I started to ponder less about the impact he would have on my own sports pursuits, but how I could involve him in them in a way that would be fun for all of us. As someone said to me during the pregnancy, children come into your life, so work towards involving them it.

As the birth date loomed, it was almost like an approaching cyclone and not seeing what would be on the other side, once it passed. Sure, life would go on, but the closer the (approximate) day got the more my life started to flash before my eyes...would it be recognisable to what I was familiar with? And what about the actual labour and birth? – this was something my wife was focusing on more than me...I was just looking to the aftermath.

I found that my own identity as an athlete faded a little, and I slowly morphed into the image I’d been creating for who I’d be as a dad, and the new responsibilities I’d soon have. All of a sudden, training was less of an obsession and something of relaxation...it was harder to focus and maintain the previous intensity that came so easily. My priorities changed.

As it turned out, the main effect on my life and pursuits was my analysis paralysis rather than any actual impacts...very different from my wife...

Fast forward a little to post birth, and now we have a little baby at home who does all the things babies do. But when Eddie rests his head on my chest, closes his eyes and drifts to sleep with the sound of his little squeaks, peeps, burps, breaths, then all those worries and concerns seems like a lifetime ago. Our journey has only just started, and there’s lots more chapters to write about having a kid and aspiring to be competitive. So far, so good, and it just wouldn’t be possible without an amazing partner.